Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
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I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
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I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
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