just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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