My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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