So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
