So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
