Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
