my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
