He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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