wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
you had me at cake vodka
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Randomize
