The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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