JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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