Me. At least after what I've been through.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
