i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
