The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
