Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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