I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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