my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
