Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
