The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
