PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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