i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
