So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
