i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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