Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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