is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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