you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
