I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
