and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I need a burrito and a hug.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
i need some magic done to my vagina
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
