And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
