I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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