3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Also, beer. Big fan.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
