fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
