Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
