PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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