I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
