Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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