I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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