So drunk its hurt
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Randomize
