"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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