thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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