If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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