What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
