i may or may not be watching the land before time
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
