I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
