WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
