I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
