apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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