Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
