So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
