i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize