I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
