we should wear snuggies to the strip club
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I think your dad took our porno
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
