peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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