You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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