i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
