The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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