I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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