This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
