why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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