did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
