I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
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you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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