his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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