My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
