turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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