Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
