dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
