Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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